Welcome to our symposium. As you proceed through our gallery, please listen carefully to the subliminal messages contained in each photo. We would like to thank Theo de Raadt for giving us the opportunity to share his vision with the rest of the world!! I know my life has completely changed once I joined the Theocracy, and I know yours will too. Simply let go of all logical thought, and let Theo fill your mind with an overwhelming feeling of security.
If you've been in and out of cults (Mormons, Jehovah's Witnesses, Scientologists), and still haven't found your niche, you'll find the Theocracy(OpenCULT) to be very accomodating. The following photos will demonstrate the sense of ease you will feel in the OpenCULT.
No doubt you are a fan of mind control. I know I am, and I don't know anyone who
isn't! Hypnotic language patterns help me start my day off right. Simple phrases
like "secure by default" or "the ultra-secure operating system"
let me escape my logical mind into a land of pure fantasy. Here are two records
that I've enjoyed: Jim Jones' whimsical "Revolutionary Suicide" and
OpenCULT's magical "OpenBSD 2.5". Both with very unique, yet
People are incredibly busy these days. Many work two jobs or more. When you work
over 60 hours a week, do you really have time to think for yourself? I've let
OpenCULT's charasmatic leader think for me, and now I am more certain than ever
that PaX is a compiler hack, SPARC doesn't support non-executable pages, per-page
non-executable pages is impossible on i386 and PPC, and OpenBSD doesn't break POSIX
or ELF ABI. It's with information like this, so gently planted in my mind by the
Great Originator of the Theocracy, that I can spread the word to others of this
great organization I am so proud to be a part of. Little is known about our
leader, other than he has special knowledge and skills. He demands unquestioning
obedience with power and privilege. I am most grateful for this, and happily
submit to his command. The Great Originator is much more charismatic than my
previous leaders. You can feel the difference simply by observing the following
To preserve the integrity of the Theocracy, we often must resort to deception. I know when someone says "deception" you automatically think it's a bad thing. The Great Originator assures us that this is not the case, in fact, we are simply commissioned to repeat his honest truths to anyone we may meet. We know his words are honest truths because no one ever speaks against our great leader. For good reason, he demands unconditional obedience from us, anyone not capable of this is not intelligent enough to be a part of our group.
Secrecy is very important to us. If you knew everything that the rest of the world
would pay millions to know, would you want to talk about it in the open? Of course
you wouldn't! Private mailing lists are key to our organization. We need to
protect our secrets that we then release for free. As followers of the Theocracy,
we don't care where our next chunk of enlightenment comes from, it could be stolen
for all we care! We are just happy that we are able to receive His good word, and
thank him daily for doing everything He could to share it with us.
I'd like you to think of OpenCULT as your new family. Fortunately, this means you
can leave your old families behind. NetBSD doesn't care about you like OpenCULT
does. Though our philsophies and code may seem very similar, there is no greater
than the Theocracy. Ease your mind from all worry, form a womanly physique, become
a homosexual, defecate in your pants, and join us, as these fine gentlemen below have done.
Loving children is very important to us. Who else can carry on our pioneering work
in the areas of auditing and buffer overflow exploitation protection? The children!
They're so tasty, we sodomize our minds by creating enticing posters that appeal to
young children. Here is a great example:
Just like any other respected religion, we have operating expenses that must be
met, such as alcohol abuse and the companionship of a lady friend. While we in the
Theocracy don't want to force you to do anything, we must kindly remind you that if
the needs of the Great Originator are not met, this wonderful family that you have
grown over the years to love and blindly obey, will be gone. You don't want that,
now do you? I for one am thrilled to be able to contribute more to the Great Originator
now that I have observed his integrity. It takes a man of strong will to keep millions
of the government's money, say something retarded, and then act after the money was gone
that you were holding true to your convictions, at everyone else's expense.
Our master has informed me that you need to give him your wallet.
Listen, this world is a dangerous place today. There are people out there that want to hurt you and poison your mind. Come with us, and we will fight them together. Though they constantly attack us with their words of trickery, we will fight back with deception and ignorant emails. The Great Originator wants to keep us always vigilant in this battle, so he consistently makes us believe we are under attack. For this we are very grateful.
Join us! When you've tasted the sweet wine of the Theocracy and OpenCULT, you will feel like bubble gum and a hot dog.